Shoftim 74 - Intrinsic Motivation , Executive Functions,Procrastination and Mindfulness

The portion-parasha of Shoftim discusses the commandment to set-up Cities of Refuge given in Numbers 35:9-34. Moses had already designated 3 such cities on the East bank of the Jordan even though they would only be functional after all 6 were established,   and that would be after the conquest of the land of Israel. Moses was setting an example of acting with zeal –' ze'ri'zut ' that if a mitzvah presents itself to you, do not permit it to go stale – do the mitzvah now. The cities of refuge would be a safe haven for people who had murdered someone accidently because of a certain degree of carelessness. These Cities of Refuge were Levite cities and places of learning. And it was here, the perpetrator of the accidental murder through carelessness would take steps to atone for his sin and fix his character -become more careful and watchful - za'hir. The Brai'tah of Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair taught that the study of Torah brings a person to a place of being more careful –' ze'hi'rut ' and this gives him more 'drive' and 'motivation' – ze'ri'zut. We study Torah in order to share our learning with others and teach, so we can do the mitzvoth and avoid sin. In order to do this we need to develop a framework for character and spiritual  development - the Path of the Just – the ' Mesilat Yesharim ' with which we can  ascend Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair's ladder of spiritual development.

Ze'hi'rut – is being watchful and careful, and ze'ri'zut – is being passionate and motivated. They   actually impact on one another so one can begin a discussion on either one. Ze'ri'zut - being passionate and intrinsically motivated says the ' Mesilat Ye'sharim '- the Path of the Just is the opposite of ' Laziness'.  We all have a problem with ' laziness', because of our ' earthiness' .This make us heavy and suffer from ' inertia'. It is expressed by procrastination in getting started and not finishing things we have started.  Today, the experts say that there is no such thing as a ' lazy child'. There is usually something getting   in the kid's way , so the question we should be asking is not how can we motivate children , but what is getting in their way , how can we help , how can we create the conditions so kids will motivate themselves. In the same way, Rabbi Chaim Vital says the source of' laziness' is ' utzvut '- sadness. According to the research, intrinsic motivation, happiness and well-being is dependent on a person's needs for  ' autonomy and self-direction', mastery – competence, and ' relatedness – belonging' being met and that he has a sense of purpose. People who feel connected by the inner beings, are competent and supported by others have the 'drive and passion' in what they do.

 However, the reason that we suffer from 'procrastination ' is that we do not successfully deal with the ' negative emotions' associated with some tasks. Instead we cope by procrastinating, avoiding the task and ' give in ' to feel good, despite the fact that it is in our best interests to do the task. We can deal with the negative emotions by using the characteristic of ze'hi'rut- watchfulness to monitor and manage our emotions. Being successful in observing God's positive and negative commandments means we need to be competent and show ' mastery ' in whatever we do. We also need to use ' metacognition ' and our' executive functions '  to think about our thinking, to monitor what we are doing, self- regulate our emotions, being reflective and not impulsive in our thinking. It also includes organizing, planning and using working memory – hindsight and foresight to solve problems, maintaining focus, ignoring distractions. The way to self- regulate our negative emotions that cause us to avoid tasks and procrastinate is to use our executive functions in the form of ' mindfulness'. Mindfulness' helps us to be ' neutral and outside observers' who in a non-judgmental way are aware of our negative emotions. This awareness   will signal the need to inhibit our habits of procrastination, put our emotions aside and get on with our plan.

Kids should be learning Torah in order to share their learning with others and apply their learning to the real world of mitzvoth and social-moral behavior. They should be monitoring and self-assessing their learning and behavior. We can support them with more formative assessment as they learn. In this way kids focus on what they are doing and not only on ' how they are doing ' in the form of grades given by the teacher. We can promote the midah of ze'ri'zut =  intrinsic motivation and drive in kids by supporting their autonomy so they feel their learning and doing of mitzvoth is self-directed that the learning is relevant and meaningful to their lives , they are competent and have a sense of belonging in a community of learners. The midah of ze'hi'rut = carefulness is supported by encouraged by promoting executive functions – mindfulness, self –assessment and monitoring .Mindfulness promotes both intrinsic motivation by making us more attentive and connected to what we are doing and executive functions and self-regulation by making us more aware of our thinking and emotions.

Shelach 74- Mindfulness and the Mitzvah – Commandment of Tzitzit.

The beginning of our Parasha-portion Shelach deals with the mission of the meraglim-spies and the national crisis of faith caused by their negative report. The end of the parasha-portion Numbers 15:38  concludes with the commandment/mitzvah to wear Tzitzit-fringes on the corners of our clothes. The Mitzvah of tzitzit comes to repair the spiritual damage done by the spies and is a constant reminder to us, to be mindful and aware of our duty towards God – being holy and performing all his commandments. The spies were told -  וראיתם את הארץ    and you shall SEE the land and God commands us – וראיתם אתו and that you may SEE it= the tzitzit. The problem of the spies was not what they saw, but ' how ' they looked at the land, what color lenses were they wearing. In light of the spies' sin, we are warned ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם אשר אתם זונים אחריהם, and 'do not explore after your heart and eyes after which you stray.' Here, the heart and the eyes are the spies for the body –the material, animal and negative emotional side of us.

There are 2 problems which distort and interfere with a person being in the present and having clear perception and insight. We look at things with a personal bias and self interest , often colored with our fears, anxieties, insecurities or other negative emotions. Secondly, we often operate as automats, without any thinking and our bodies totally in control. In this way our seeing and subsequent actions are rote and automatic - מצוות אנשים מלומדה.

Mindful awareness or simply Mindfulness gives us a ' way of looking' that helps ' being in the present ' without bias or the emotions directing the way we look and see. We need to become impartial spectators that look, see and notice   without any judgment. But first we need just to learn to stop and be in the present. We just need to notice and be aware of the outer world and be aware of where our attention is and then choose where to focus and then see with intention in a purely objective way. We may need to quieten our inner world – our emotions by simply being aware of how we are feeling and then put it aside.  Once we have made our observations, we can then make a decision how to act in the world connected to our inner core and values such as caring, compassion and courage. Mindfulness supports a person's need for autonomy and self-direction.

If we look at the mitzvah of Tzitzit, we see that the Torah is using a Mindful Awareness technique. We first need to stop and intently notice the Tzitzit. We need to be aware of our biases, our emotions that are seated in the ' heart' and then put them aside so that we do not stray after our eyes and hearts. We notice the Te'cheilet, the blue color which reminds us of the sea and then the sky – who both serve God – and then we are reminded of God's throne of Glory representing God's sovereignty over man to obey him and perform all his commandments. We can also notice the knots. Tying a knot is often a useful way to remind us of something. So the knots remind us something about Tzitzit , that the numerical value of the word is 600 and there are 8 threads and 5 knots make a total of 613 , the number of the Biblical commandments. And this leads to us performing the commandments and being holy.

The spies went on their mission with a negative view of the land fuelled by their fears, anxieties and insecurities about the future. They had an internal need to justify this view and so their hearts directed the way their eyes would see the land.

Mindful awareness is a great tool to help all kids and not only the ones with attention difficulties or emotional regulation problems to be in the present and become more caring, compassionate and courageous people in their learning, service of God and making a contribution to society.

Self Esteem or Self Compassion

It is generally accepted that a negative self esteem and self concept gets in the way of a person dealing with setbacks and failure, but the research shows that also high self esteem does not buy very much and can be very problematic. Despite the  Self Esteem research    the belief in ' self esteem ' is so engrained. Teachers and parents are told to praise and compliment kids and help their   ' self –esteem ' by reflecting on all their positive attributes. So why is ' self esteem ' problematic and what can be done instead to foster success?

The problem with fostering self esteem with praise is not because kids are over –praised or don't deserve praise – it is praise itself. Praise is a way of getting kids to experience success as a reward and esteeming of the self. Instead kids should experience success and failure as information they need to make changes or   become even   more successful. The problem with self esteem is the focus on the ' self'.

The SDT  Self Determination theory talks about 2 types of self esteem. Contingent self esteem is experienced by people who are preoccupied with questions of worth and self esteem and are strongly motivated by the desire to appear worthy to self and others. Their worth is seen as dependent on ' achievement ' and appearing in certain ways. Whether such individuals come away with positive or negative conclusions, the very fact that one's self esteem is in question, suggests a psychological vulnerability. Non- contingent self esteem characterizes people for whom self-esteem is not a concern or issue. Success and failure is experienced as information and does not implicate self –worth, even when they lead to a reevaluation of their actions and efforts. These people experience themselves on a fundamental level as worthy of esteem and love.

The psychologist Eric Fromm talks about 2 types of people -   the ' To have '  people whose self worth and esteem depends on their 'having' .It leads to people being overly attached to possessions, achievements , and relationships. ' To be '  people focus on how they experience the world rather than on having.

'To have '  people view the ' self ' as an 'object' which needs to be appraised , judged and evaluated, and the more positive , the better. In contrast SDT and religion see the Self as a process where a person makes meaning of experiences and integrates and assimilates them into his personality.

The research shared by Kelly Mcgonigal  

describes what helps people to deal with setbacks and change and what gets in the way.

The first experiment she shares deals with people who are dieting and are invited to participate in an experiment testing the effects of food on mood. Each person chooses their favorite donut, eats the whole donut and is given a big glass of water which leaves them with a full and uncomfortable feeling. This triggered feeling of guilt amongst the dieters. The question was would the feelings of guilt help dieters resist subsequent temptations?   In order to test this, the dieters were given a ' taste experiment '  - to choose their favorite candy and eat as much as they needed to in order to evaluate the taste of the candy. One of the test groups was exposed to the following message. In a very by the way fashion , they were given a 3 point message -  they were made aware of their guilt feelings of previously indulging in the donuts , they were told that it is human to error , it does not say  that there is something wrong with you , everybody indulgences here and there and thirdly – so don't be hard on yourself. The group that was exposed to the   message calling for self-compassion ate 40% of what the group who were not exposed   to the self- compassion message ate. People who are hard on themselves and have guilt feelings end up despairing, saying I can never change and what the heck and then indulgence even more.

In another study shared by  Heidi Grant Halvorson  participants who failed an initial test were given a chance to improve their scores. One group were encouraged to boost their self –esteem by affirming and validating positive qualities. Another group was encouraged to exercise self –compassion and not to be hard on  themselves. Those who took a self-compassionate view of their earlier failure studied 25% longer and scored higher on a second test, than the participants who focused on bolstering their self-esteem.

Self compassion is effective because it is non-evaluative. It allows people to look at their mistakes and flaws with kindness and understanding. People then focus on the self as a process and not as an object. You don't judge   yourself harshly nor feel the need to defensively focus on all your positive qualities in order to protect your self-esteem. Setbacks and mistakes are part of being human and essential to the learning process. When the focus is on the process, rather than achievement, the journey rather than the destination you are more likely to be more accurate in assessing your abilities and coming up with a better plan which will help you reach your destination.

People who view the self as an object react by saying ' How could "I"  ( capital I )  do that ?  have feelings of guilt and shame which get in the way, while people who said '  How could I do THAT, did not focus on the self but on their  actions and were successful in changing.

The problem with sin is not the sin itself  but what happens afterwards – not getting up and repenting. The evil inclination encourages guilt feelings as a person feels that this is the beginning of the repentance process. But these feelings end up causing despair and hopelessness which gets in the way of recovery. The verse proverbs 24:15 says that   7 times a saint falls and then he gets up. The failure is not in the falling , but not getting up.

Self compassion leads to higher levels of personal well-being, optimism and happiness less anxiety and depression.

Mindfulness and promoting the needs of autonomy, competence and relatedness help people and kids focus on the self as process.

 Mindfulness is an open non-judgmental awareness of what is happening in the present. Self esteeming and the focus on ME are just   mental constructions of the mind. In mindfulness and SDT there is no fixed concept of the self to protect or enhance, all facts are friendly and inform one's experiences and behaviors.

According to SDT, people with low self esteem are lacking in supports for and satisfactions of one or more of the basic needs of autonomy (= self direction not independence), competence and relatedness. They don't feel worthy as they are missing a sense of love, authenticity, or effectiveness. People with high contingent self esteem seek behaviors that support and reassure them that they are worthy in their eyes and others.

The paradox of self esteem of self –esteem ' If you need it , you don't have it and if you have it , you don't need it .

Chayei Sarah-74 Self Esteem or Self Compassion

In our Parasha Chayei  Sarah , Abraham buys a field and the cave below to bury his wife. Rashi quoting the Medrash on  verse 23:20 -  the field stood up-  literal translation - when it became the part of Abraham's estate as a burial site says that the field acquired a new status as it previously belonged to an ordinary man and now it belonged to a king. Rabbi David Lapin says' that great people give status to their possessions   while ordinary people derive their status   from their possessions.' It is not only status which is affected by possessions but often peoples' self worth and self esteem.

 In the last of his 10 trials – the A'kei'dat Yitzchak – the binding of Isaac on the altar, Abraham had not only to sacrifice his emotions for his son but also his cherished values in order to display his complete obedience and attachment to the divine will. There was a complete negation of the ' self' in order to attach to something higher and bigger than the 'himself'. This seems to contradict the popular notion that we should nurture our ' self esteem and 'self concept'

It is generally accepted that a negative self esteem and self concept gets in the way of a person dealing with setbacks and failure, but the research shows that also  high self esteem does not buy very much and can be very problematic. Despite the research the belief in ' self esteem ' is so engrained. Teachers and parents are told to praise and compliment kids and help their   ' self –esteem ' by reflecting on all their positive attributes. So why is ' self esteem ' problematic and what can be done instead to foster success?

The problem with fostering self esteem with praise is not because kids are over –praised or don't deserve praise – it is praise itself. Praise is a way of getting kids to experience success as a reward and esteeming of the self. Instead kids should experience success and failure as information they need to make changes or  become even  more successful. The problem with self esteem is the focus on the ' self'.

The SDT – Self Determination theory  talks about 2 types of self esteem. Contingent self esteem is experienced by people who are preoccupied with questions of worth and self esteem and are strongly motivated by the desire to appear worthy to self and others. Their worth is seen as dependent on ' achievement ' and appearing in certain ways. Whether such individuals come away with positive or negative conclusions, the very fact that one's self esteem is in question suggests a psychological vulnerability. Non- contingent self esteem characterizes people for whom self-esteem is not a concern or issue. Success and failure is experienced as information and does not implicate self –worth ,even when they lead to a reevaluation of their actions and efforts. These people experience themselves on a fundamental level as worthy of esteem and love.

The psychologist Eric Fromm talks about 2 types of people -   the ' To have '  people whose self worth and esteem depends on their 'having' .It leads to people being overly attached to possessions, achievements , and relationships. ' To be '  people focus on how they experience the world rather than on having.

'To have '  people view the ' self ' as an 'object' which needs to be appraised , judged and evaluated, the more positive , the better. In contrast SDT and religion see the Self as a process where a person makes meaning of experiences and integrates and assimilates them into his personality.

The research shared by Kelly Mcgonigal  

describes what helps people to deal with setbacks and change and what gets in the way.

The first experiment she shares deals with people who are dieting and are invited to participate in an experiment testing the effects of food on mood. Each person chooses their favorite donut, eats the whole donut and is given a big glass of water which leaves a full and uncomfortable feeling. This triggered feeling of guilt amongst the dieters. The question was would the feelings of guilt help dieters resist subsequent temptations.?  In order to test this , the dieters were given a ' taste experiment '  - to eat as much as they needed to,  from a  wide choice of candy  (so everyone had something they liked) in order to evaluate the taste of the candy. One of the test groups was exposed to the following message. In a very by the way fashion , they were given a 3 point message -  they were made aware of their guilt feelings of indulging in the donuts , they were told that it is human to error , it does not so that there is something wrong with you , everybody indulgences here and there and thirdly – so don't be hard on yourself. The group that was exposed to the   message calling for self-compassion ate 40% of what the group not to exposed   to the self- compassion message ate. People who are hard on themselves and have guilt feelings end up despairing, saying can never change and what the heck and then indulgence even more .

In another study shared by  Heidi Grant Halvorson  participants who failed an initial test were given a chance to improve their scores. One group were encouraged to boost their self –esteem by affirming and validating positive qualities. Another group was encouraged to exercise self –compassion and not to be hard on themselves. Those who took a self-compassionate view of their earlier failure studied 25% longer and scored higher on a second test, than the participants who focused on bolstering their self-esteem.

Self compassion is effective because it is non-evaluative. It allows people to look at their mistakes and flaws with kindness and understanding. People then focus on the self as a process and not as an object. You don't judge   yourself harshly nor feel the need to defensively focus on all your positive qualities in order to protect your self-esteem. Setbacks and mistakes are part of being human and essential to the learning process. When the focus is on the process, rather than achievement, the journey rather than the destination you are more likely to be more accurate in assessing your abilities and coming up with a better plan which will help you reach your destination.

People who view the self as an object react by saying ' How could "I"  ( capital I )  do that ?  have feelings of guilt and shame which get in the way, while people who said '  How could I do THAT, did not focus on the self but on their  actions and were successful in changing.

The problem with sin, falling or failing is not in the sin, falling or failure but what happens afterwards – not getting up. Guilt feelings get in the way of recovery and getting up. The verse proverbs 24:15 says that   7 times a saint falls and then he gets up.

Self compassion leads to higher levels of personal well-being, optimism and happiness less anxiety and depression.

Mindfulness and promoting the needs of autonomy, competence and relatedness help people and kids focus on the self as process.

 Mindfulness is an open non-judgmental awareness of what is happening in the present. Self esteeming and the focus on ME are just   mental constructions of the mind. In mindfulness and SDT there is no fixed concept of the self to protect or enhance, all facts are friendly and inform one's experiences and behaviors.

According to SDT , people with low self esteem are lacking in supports for and satisfactions of one or more of the basic needs of autonomy, competence and relatedness. They don't feel worthy as they are missing a sense of love, authenticity, or effectiveness. People with high contingent self esteem seek behaviors that support and reassure them that they are worthy in their eyes and others.

The paradox of self esteem of self –esteem ' If you need it , you don't have it and if you have it , you don't need it .

See my blog post on  Motivation and Bob the builder 

on the effectiveness of different types of self talk. A statement -  I can or will do it as opposed to asking a question will or can I do it ?