This week's Parasha deals with
Joseph's avoiding temptation and resisting the advances of the wife of
Potiphar. She was extremely persistent and used threats. She even tried to convince Joseph that the that
being together was their destiny as the astrologers predicted that they would have children together. They were nearly
right as her daughter Osnat would be the mother of Joseph's children.
Joseph was also aware that G-d sometimes influences the course of events to
uncover ' sparks of holiness lost in impurity ' by the union of unlikely
partners like Lot and his daughters, Yehuda and Tamar, and Boaz and Ruth. Maybe being with the wife of
Potiphar was part of the divine plan. Temptation becomes harder to avoid when
it can be justified in the name of a 'mitzvah – something positive.
A national holiday celebrating the
flooding of the Nile presented a perfect opportunity for Potiphar's wife to
pressurize Joseph to be with her. Nobody was around and nobody would know.
Joseph began to weaken and was about
to give in, when with divine help he was able to access the objective morality
of his father Jacob- Ya'akov. He saw the image of his father, who told him that
what he was about to do was immoral , it would impact on how he would be
remembered by future generations and his ability to be part of the leadership
of the Jewish people. His name represented by a one of the 12 gemstones of each
tribe would not appear on the high priests –kohen gadol's breast plate if he
committed the sin. The image of his father strengthened Joseph's resolve to
resist. He explained to Potiphar's wife that no matter how noble her intentions
were , if it comes at the expense of somebody else - her husband , it would be immoral , a breach
of trust and a sin in the eyes of G-d.
What helps kids to make moral
decisions and withstand temptation?
'The way to help kids become ethical
and moral people as opposed to people who merely do what they are told, is to
have them construct moral meaning. It is to help them figure out – for themselves
and each other – how they ought to act ' AK
It means taking the perspectives of
others, seeing how their behavior impacts on others and reflecting on how they
can be caring and responsible people both in the eyes of man and G-d.
Most kids think of their parents only
in terms of how they will react to them – what parents will do to them –
criticize, scold and punish. Kids don't access and reflect on parent's views on a matter in
the hope that it will give them 'moral clarity and strength ' and guide them
through dilemmas and challenges. The only question asked is whether it is worth
the risk of being caught or parents finding out. This leads to immoral behavior
as Immanuel Kant explains.
If you
punish a child for being naughty and reward him for being good, he will do
right merely for the sake of the reward and when he goes out into the world and
finds that goodness is not always rewarded, nor wickedness always punished, he
will grow into a man who only thinks about how he may get on in the world, and
does right and wrong according as he finds either of advantage to himself.
Kids
become moral and good people to others when they also have a sense of
themselves as moral and good people. They have a sense of 'worthiness and
belonging'. And this depends on parents and teachers accepting them '
unconditional ly.
' The best predictor of
whether children will be able to accept themselves as fundamentally valuable
and capable is the extent to which they have been accepted unconditionally by parents
and teachers. As Carl Rogers (1959) argued half a century ago, those on
the receiving end of conditional love – that is, affection based not on who
they are but on what they do -- come to disown the parts of themselves that
aren’t valued. Eventually they regard themselves as worthy only when they
act (or think or feel) in specific ways' – Alfie Kohn
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