As the Israelites approach the promised
land after 40 years of wandering in the desert , they defeat Sichon the king of the Amorites, and Og the king of Bashan. They
now arrive at the plains of Mo'av.
The king of Mo'av is very concerned .He
understands that he needs to engage in an ' unconventional war ' in order to
defeat the Israelites. He engages Bilaam –who is described as a seer, diviner , prophet or sorcerer who
practiced the occult arts. Bilaam was famous for his curses. He believed in the
One God, but used his connection with God and spirituality in a negative,
immoral and lewd way. Balak , send
messengers and dignitaries to invite Bilaam to come and curse the Israelites.
Bilaam tells the delegation to spend the night in his home as he first has to
consult with God before he can offer a reply.
God comes to Bilaam and asks him ' who
are these people with you'? Rabbi Haim Shmulevitz based on the Ohr Ha'haim
commentary notes that God was being concerned for Bilaam's honor, dignity and
respect. God was saying – it would be degrading for your honor for you to
invite this level of delegation into your and certainly to go with them. In any
case God continues, you cannot curse this nation because they are blessed. Bilaam
tells Balak's messengers that he cannot go with them , but a more honorable and
higher level delegation would be more appropriate for him. Balak sends a more
honorable delegation. Bilaam informs them that he can't disobey God but he will
again consult with God. God says he can go with this delegation but be with
them only in person, in a physical sense in person, but not share the purpose
of their mission. He also has to fulfill
God's instructions to him.
God senses that Bilaam still wants to go
and curse the Israelites so he sends the Angel of mercy to try and convince
Bilaam otherwise. The she-ass sees the angel with a sword blocking her path and
starts to move off the path and in the process Bilaam's leg gets hurt. Bilaam does not see the angel and beats his
ass three times. A miracle happens. The she-ass begins to speak – asking Bilaam
why did he beat her, was she not a faithful animal. The implication being that
if she was behaving in a strange manner, there was a good reason for this. After
the dialogue ends, the she ass is killed by the angel. God then opens Bilaam's
eyes and he sees the angel with a sword in his hand. The lesson was obvious –
the ' prophet failed to see the angel , but his she-ass did !
In
his heart Bilaam wanted to go in the hope that he could still attempt to curse
the Israelites but God said to him – you can go, but now , you have to say what
I put in your mouth.
If the she-ass was allowed to live ,
Bilaam's dignity and respect would have been further compromised. The she-ass
would be living evidence of Bilaam's shame and disgrace. Despite Bilaam being an evil , immoral and
base person who influenced others to go and enjoy sin, God was prepared to
forgo the honor the presence of the ' speaking she –ass ' would bring to him and try and lessen a
little the disgrace that Bilaam would suffer above what he was deserving
because of his actions. We see from this how high God holds the honor and
dignity of man.
What follows from God's concern for
Bilaam's honor is that honor and respect have less to do with the person who is
the object of our respect but more to do with the person who shows the honor
and respect.
The mishnah from the Ethics of the Fathers
(4:2) asks ? - who is respected and honored ? Our first
answer would be someone like a president, head of the armed forces, a chief
justice or chief Rabbi who are respected by many people. The mishnah says
otherwise.
The mishnah answers – He , that honors and
respects others.
Respect
and honor is something that comes from our insides, it is not dependent on
something external, it is about our character and personality. It is about
being a ' subject ' , not an object of other people's admiration and respect.
So when we weigh up whether to be respectful to other people , the question is not about what we will get by being respectful
or what will be done to us if we are not , but more about the type of person we
want to be – a person who honors and respects others or not .
Honor becomes about the other when we try
to be sensitive to who they are, their position and status in life.
The way we respect and honor others
including children defines who we are. When people feel respected, honored,
valued and held in esteem they flourish as caring human beings.
The Chazon Ish is quoted as saying –' what children need
more than love is respect.'
Being respectful to children is one of
the principles of Unconditional Parenting ( Alfie Kohn)and the Collaborative
problem solving approach ( Ross Greene ). In part 2 of this article I will discuss
the Chazon Ish's statement and share the
role respect plays in UP - unconditional
parenting and CPS – collaborative problem solving .
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