On a national level, Moses -by virtue of
being the leader of the children of Israel lost the right to enter the Promised
Land together with the generation of
the spies. On a personal level, he lost this right when he failed to sanctify
and glorify God's name by speaking to the rock so it would provide water for
the thirsty people and instead he hit the rock twice.
God's plan was that Moses would gather
the elders and great people = eidah in front of the rock. They would engage in
the study of God's teachings and in this way cause the ' shechina – God's
presence to be among them. Then Moses would command the rock to give forth
water. The miracle would also teach the people a lesson – that if nature – a
hard rock obediently becomes a well at God's request, we – the children of
Israel who appreciate the divine intelligence and good should obey God's will
out of a sense of mission , with joy and happiness and certainly not feel
compelled to serve him.
On the previous occasion when Moses hit
the rock , the action was attributed to MOSES -
MOSES brought forth water from the rock. Here it would be different. By
speaking to the rock ,the action would be attributed to the ROCK. The ROCK
brought forth water.
So what went wrong? Moses extended the
invitation to everybody and a miracle was performed so everybody could see the
rock. The ' airev rav' – Egyptians who for expedience and not religious reasons
left Egypt with the children of Israel began to provoke Moses. They said –The
miracle would be a true one only if they would choose the rock ( and not the
rock chosen by God ). They reasoned - Moses being a shepherd knew which rock
was a source for water.
These provocations rang true with the
rest of the nation and this put to an end the plan that studying God's teaching
would help Moses change the laws of nature. Moses felt he had to reprimand the
people and said ' Hear now, you rebels and fools! Why do think your
understanding is greater than your teacher's '. When Moses took on the
leadership of the children of Israel he was told that he should always speak
respectfully to his people despite any provocations and defiance. This display
of frustration and slight anger at having ' his buttons pushed ' was not only a
regrettable moment for Moses but also interfered with his ability to perform
the miracle. He then spoke to the rock – nothing happened, he then hit the rock
with the rod - only a trickle of water
came out . He hit the rock again and water gushed out forming a stream.
The above event is called the ' Mei
me'rivah ' - the waters of strife –
despite the end result that Moses provided plenty of water for his thirsty
people.
We as parents can learn the following
lessons.
A.
ATMOSPHERE
1 The atmosphere in a home can set the
stage for positive or negative interactions. Is the atmosphere relaxed, happy,
full of music, song, dance, conversation, laughter people connecting , bonding, cooperating ?
2 When the home becomes an informal
learning environment kids hear parent communication not as commands but the
'guide by the side ' offering valuable information and eternal values. This
helps kids acquire a thinking and collaborative problem solving (CPS) mindset .
B. Power or Greatness/influence
Moses used his rod=power to get water
from the rock instead of speaking to the rock applying his greatness and
influence. When we use power in the home, we may get the ' behavior ' we want,
but not any commitment to the values underlying the behavior. In fact, using
power in the form of punishment, criticism , threats , bribes, nagging, judgmental
praise , is merely using ' be'shevet piv ' the rod of his mouth( Isaiah 11:4) ,'doing to ' kids.
We can lead by greatness and influence
our kids when we use words to ' work with and collaborate with them so they
become the authors of their actions. When we use power to get a kid to clean
his room, it is we who have cleaned the room. And when we add rewards and
punishments we take responsibility for the kid's behavior , placing the 'locus
of control' outside the child.
C My Buttons were pushed
Because anger or acting out of anger is
frowned upon and we don't want people to perceive that we have an anger problem
we never say ' I got angry ' but use
more legitimate language - my kid pushed
my buttons or my buttons were pushed. In this way we absolve ourselves from
taking responsibility for displays of frustration and anger. It helps if we
become aware of our situation of weakness and use mindful breathing to calm
ourselves.
If we believe in the CPS mantra '
children do well if they can' and not if
they want to we will ask ourselves how can we work with them and not try to use
power to coerce them.
The ' Mei Me'rivah' = waters of strife
episode where Moses hit the rock instead of speaking to the rock teaches us the
importance of creating a happy, trusting ,
relaxed atmosphere conducive to
informal learning where parents lead by their greatness and influence
rather than using power. In this way parents are unlikely to have their buttons
pushed and if that happens they will be aware of themselves , step back and
calm down.
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