Ha'azinu 74 - Lead by Greatness

In this week's portion-parasha of Ha'azinu Moses tells us to'' Remember bygone days, understand the years of each generation, ask your father and he will tell you, your grandfather and he will say it over to you."זכור ימות עולם, בינו שנות דור-ודור;    שאל אביך ויגדך, זקניך ויאמרו לך." Moses is encouraging   us by his words -  'remember bygone days' to have an appreciation of History and to see God's divine role in shaping history. We also need to remember history as the philosopher George Santayana warns ' Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it". The Menachem Zion notes that the next words in the verse – understand the years of each generation – sounds a little redundant or just poetic. He explains that the word 'shnot' – years can be read not as years but as the differences, so we are encouraged to learn the lessons of history but also appreciate the differences in each generation when we apply these lessons. The previous generations  have a sense of history and appreciate these differences and changes.

 The changes and differences are obvious when it comes to children's   education and discipline issues. The use of corporal punishments, other punishments and harsh criticism are discouraged and frowned upon despite sources in the Talmud and the Bible that condone the use of corporal punishment. The world then was a rather different place. It was very authoritarian .Those in positions of authority like fathers and teachers had a lot of power and this power was respected. Women, children, students, and  slaves were expected to be very obedient and submissive. If these expectations were not met, they were punished often with a beating. Women and certainly children accepted this as part of their culture. The educational system demanded such a system. The focus was on learning lots of information, mishnayot, Bible by heart, rote learning and memorizing facts.' Carrot or stick ' techniques work well in getting kids to focus on remembering facts and  learning mishnayot by heart.        

We live in a rather different world where the instruments of control are extremely limited. Corporal punishment and other punishments are totally ineffective. Today it is an accepted fact with so much overwhelming evidence that hitting kids is not only harmful, but also ineffective. There is a tendency amongst religious parenting authors to romanticize the period when corporal punishment was considered effective and not harmful. Kids were considered more resilient, compared to metal, when beaten is hardened and strengthened. Kids were said to flourish under a regime of strict and punitive discipline and high expectations. Today's kids are considered like clay that crumbles when beaten.  They are not resilient and emotionally vulnerable. They don't need punishment but need rewards and encouragement to motivate and control them.  Interestingly when it comes to the treatment of women, they don't say that beating a wife is not acceptable today because today's women are less resilient and more vulnerable  – like clay. And that those women who lived in a culture that allowed a husband to beat a wife in order to educate her were resilient  like metal. We just say that it was culturally acceptable.  We don't hit women because we are concerned for their dignity, safety and emotional needs.  When it comes to corporal punishment a slave is more resilient than a freeman, a donkey is more resilient than a slave and a student is more resilient than his teacher (the principal punishes the teacher with a beating). The more honored the person, the more emotionally vulnerable he is.

These authors see the lack of teacher and parental power and authority as a sign of regression in the education. Harav Kook and others have explained that often spiritual regression as that which took place after the ' enlightenment era' meant that the teaching of Torah needed to be more intellectual and deeper to meet the new challenges of science and philosophy. In the same way, we cannot be authoritarian and use power and status  to control  people, but be powerful because of who we are, become authoritative   and lead people because of our greatness.

 We try to inspire kids to learn Torah because it is relevant, meaningful and exciting and not to get a 'good grade'.  Creative learning only takes place when kids feel safe and not feel being controlled by rewards or punishments. We teach kids not to act inappropriately because they will be punished, but because of the consequences of their actions on other people. We teach them to ask – what kind of person do I want to be, what kind of school or community do we want. When we use power we lose the opportunity for learning and spiritual growth and learning to solve problems in a collaborative way. When it comes to all kids and especially the  challenging kids ,we have the benefit of at least 30 years of brain research that shows that kids do well we attend to their needs for acceptance, respect and other emotional needs and give up trying to control them with punishments or even with  rewards. Kids may have the comforts of life and not be abused physically but today kids in a sense have a more  difficult time . They  have to ' behave and do well at school in order to earn parental love and acceptance. Kids' resilience depends on their needs for unconditional  acceptance , respect, love  and other emotional needs are being met.

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Va'yelech 74 Hakhel - Learning that touches the heart and soul

The Parasha-Portion of Va'yeileich - Devarim- Deut. 31:10-13 deals with the mitzvah of ' Hakhel where the king read passages from the Torah in the presence of the whole nation. All the men, women, and children - including infants had to attend the event. It was a re-enactment of giving of the Torah on Mount Sinai. It took place in the temple in Jerusalem after the Sabbatical year during the festival of Succoth, once in 7 years. The Shmittah -Sabbatical year and Succoth allude to God's divine protection and providence, and Israel's faith and loyalty to their God.

 The Talmud – Cha'giga 3, asks why the ' infants-  ha'taf ' had to attend? Two answers are given. Even if these infants   do not benefit directly from the ' hakhel experience', their parents and especially their mothers are credited for bringing them. The underlying reason is - by bringing their infants and making sure every person would be present at this event, they show an appreciation of the importance and centrality of the Torah for the Jewish nation and for future generations.  The Talmud – Masechet Sofrim adds the following reason - there is in fact a benefit and intrinsic reward for the infants themselves from the Hakhel experience. People would according to their intellectual levels and obligations, either engage in studying the words of the Torah, or just listen to the reading of the king, but all would be emotionally moved by the ' Hakhel ' experience which would make them more appreciative of the wonder and awe of God, to love God ,his law and be more committed to God and his Torah.  The hakhel experience also supports cooperative learning and 'ahavat yisrael ' the  emotional connection between people .

An emotional connection to learning leads to better cognition and  a deeper understanding.The Malbim explains that the toddlers and infants will be affected emotionally in a bigger way than the adults by the incredible atmosphere of fear and love for God and awesome sight of millions of Jews standing united for hours for the sole purpose of hearing the lessons that the king is reading from the Torah. Their lack of intellectual understanding allows the imagination to make an indelible impression of what they see and experience. This experience is intrinsically valuable as it will contribute to the love and fear of God when they become obligated to do the mitzvoth.

The purpose of the Hakhel experience is to move people emotionally, so that their learning experience will touch their hearts and souls and motivate them to higher levels of love and fear of God. The big events such as the festivals do the same thing and give us an ' emotional lift' out of our routine existence. But our aim should be that all our learning and experiences should touch our hearts and souls. 

When it comes to our kids' education, people are becoming aware of the importance of social-emotional learning to help kids regulate their emotions and improve their social skills, but no attention is being paid to something equally important – that a kid's learning should touch their hearts and souls. The reason that this does not happen is that learning is driven by extrinsic motivators like grades and competition. Kids, parents and teachers focus on how well kids are doing, and any emotional input is put into the ' good job' praises or expressions of disappointment. Instead success or failure should be experienced only as information. This allows parents and teachers  help kids  to focus on what there are doing and learning  , making meaning of what they are doing, sharing their  learning and learning from others ,  and ' connecting to  ' the learning so that the learning  touches their hearts and souls. Instead the emotional connection is not with the learning but with the grade or position in the classroom rankings. 

It was previously understood that emotions interfere with learning. The author and researcher Mary Helen Immordino-Yang says that emotions are important and integral  to children's learning. They form a critical piece of how, what, when, and why people think, remember, and learn. Emotion and cognition are supported by interdependent neural processes. Emotions are not add-ons that are distinct from cognitive skills Complex emotional feelings, such as interest, inspiration, indignation, and compassion, are active mental constructions. We only think deeply about things we care about. deep understanding depends on making emotional connections between concepts. Emotions are triggered by the meaning kids make of their learning , and in turn emotions like interest, excitement , curiosity , feeling of connection with the learning or a sense of awe in beholding beauty, become a dimension of the cognitive  skill itself leads to better cognition and understanding. Interest can precipitate a lifetime commitment to studying a topic, that kids have such trouble applying themselves when they don’t know why they would ever use a skill outside of class, and that offering kids candy will make them like coming to class but will not help them learn to appreciate mathematical thinking.

 Curriculum should be based on kids' interests and what is relevant and meaningful to their lives. They should be expressing their opinions and perspectives in the context of a caring, cooperative learning community and not just giving the answers that teachers want. In this way they will develop deeper understanding ,a connection and  love for learning, act on newly acquired knowledge in other areas as well and show a commitment to the values underlying their learning. They should be hearing stories of real people whose lives give expression to lessons learned and they should also tell their own stories and share their own experiences. The Mitzvah of ' Hakhel' comes to remind us to open our hearts to our learning, and that all learning and experiences can and should touch our hearts and souls and those of our children and students, support the emotional connection between learners themselves and the emotional connetion with God  and lead to deeper understanding.

Ki Tavoh -74 Being grateful is not easy

Our portion-parasha   Ki Tavo starts of the mitzvah – commandment to dedicate the first fruits of our labors to God by bringing them to the Beit Ha'mikdash – Temple in Jerusalem – Deuteronomy/ Devarim 26:1-11. . The bringing of the ' Bikkurim' took place mainly from Shavuot to Succot and was accompanied by a moving declaration of gratitude to God for ' redeeming us   from the hardships of Laban and Egypt and bringing us to the land of Israel. '

Being grateful is a challenge as we tend to ascribe success to our own doing and forget God's crucial support, without which we could not succeed.  We also tend to forget people who have helped us along the way. From this mitzvah we learn to be grateful to God and express gratitude to all those who have helped us when we reflect and speak about the milestones we have reached and success we have achieved.

But more challenging is when we are faced with a crop that has 'failed'. Even from the little that there is, we have to take and dedicate our 'Bikkurim' – the first fruits. Because  the Mishnah says -  Bikkurim don't have a ' sh'iur' , a minimum quantity,  you have to dedicate something .  Even if the fruits of our labors are miserable, we have to make our declaration and as the verse states – rejoice with all the goodness that Hashem, your God, has given you and your household together with the poor of your community.   וְשָׂמַחְתָּ בְכָל-הַטּוֹב, אֲשֶׁר נָתַן-לְךָ ה'    .Celebrating and being grateful for success and sharing your success with others is not so challenging as the celebrating and being grateful for a miserable crop yield. Also the declaration is only said if the first fruits are brought between Shavuot and Succot and not after Succot. This is because the period after Succot, is  after the harvest has been gathered and therefore  is not called a time for rejoicing.

The verse says that we should rejoice and be glad with ALL the goodness that Hashem, your God has given you.  And this means searching within ourselves and discovering  what we can be grateful about. Being grateful does not depend on something ' external to us ' or being the receptacles of someone else's goodness. It is a characteristic, it is a need within us to feel grateful and express it.  We are grateful for life, our relationship with God, the Torah  and the opportunities to do good and  mitzvoth. We are not only grateful for the first fruit but more so for the opportunity to perform the mitzvah-commandment  of ' Bikkurim ', to dedicate the first fruits of our labors to God, in fact to dedicate our labor to God. In our declaration of gratitude to God, we do not thank God for the fruit, but we thank God for gift of  the land. The bringing of the fruit is just a way we express our gratitude for having a holy home close to God. . And the best time are the festivals of Shavuot until the end of Succot , a season full of opportunities to make a contribution and do mitzvoth

As parents and teachers we can model being   people who are happy, grateful and always see the glass half full. When kids don't meet our expectations or make mistakes, our disappointment, or even anger can get in the way of how we view the whole  child. Suddenly we are no longer grateful for the gift of this child , we don't see the whole picture – a child with wonderful attributes who has now made a mistake. When kids make mistakes or experience failure we can still see the positive and say they are doing their best as the CPS - collaborative solving mantra tells us ' children do well if they can . We don't need to be critical , just collaborate with them to solve the problem. Mistakes and failure are windows for new opportunities for growth and improvement. Being grateful is not just  being happy with what we have been given, but being grateful for opportunities to make a contribution and grow despite the challenges we face.

Ki Teitze 74 - A United Family or a United Front

Many parenting experts cite a verse from our weekly parasha-portion in order to encourage parents to keep a ' united front' against their' ben sorer u'moreh' - rebellious and challenging child. The verses Devarim 21:18-21 speak of parents who report their son to the elders of the city - that despite attempts to discipline him, he does not listen to the voice of his father or mother. The parents claim that their parenting is not the problem because they do not convey contradicting and mix messages to the kid, but it is the kid who is at fault as he does not listen to their  ' singular' voice.

Everyone agrees that parental and marital harmony is crucial for raising kids in a peaceful, loving and cooperative environment.  And children do better when there is some degree of consistency and predictability. But the overriding question is what are we being consistent about and whether we can overdo or misapply the consistency by following the widespread parenting advice of ' keeping a united front'.

A problem with the advice of having an united front against your challenging child is that it describes the 'parent-child ' dynamic a 'war'  against the kid where parents are ' doing to ' the child , imposing parental will using power  and authority. In a war, you may win the battle, but lose the war and your child. This advice blinds and deafens parents to asking important questions – what kind of relationship do I have with my child and/or is my child's lagging skills causing his challenging behaviors. A parent cannot report a rebellious or wayward son if they are' blind ', as they are also blind to the needs of their kid.  I often hear how a kid runs away from home, at best to his grandparents, after having an argument with one of his parents. Instead of maintaining the ' united front ' and backing up the father for eg , the mother who  has not been involved emotively in the argument and confrontation can step in as a third party and try to reconcile the parties by using Collaborative problem solving techniques. The concerns of the father and the child are put on the table and attempts are made to find mutually satisfying solutions or at least an attempt to try and compensate the child. When reasons are given for decisions and the concerns of kids are taken into account, kids are more likely to trust parents' decisions even when they are not so happy about them. A United front can cause even more damage. So  often with a challenging kid or  even with  a typical kid ,a spouse and it is usually the father  is more demanding, strict , critical and very confrontational with a child. The kid becomes more reactive, defiant, oppositional, explosive or implosive. The wife who disagrees with this approach is given the advice to maintain the united front and back the husband. This is the perfect 'recipe' for continued abuse and trauma. Constant confrontation, criticism and put downs is abuse and traumatic even if it is low level. Kids will either leave the home or be kicked out, drop religious practices and their emotional connection with their parents. Instead the other spouse or mother should see her role as primarily protecting her child and not sticking with her husband. The wife can show the husband that they are 'losing' and ' hurting ' their child and that the husband's concerns can be addressed by ' working with the child 'and solving problems in a collaborative way.  And if he continues, she should leave the home with the kids if he is not willing to follow her lead, instead of kicking out the kid.

The verse talks about the kid not listening to the parents' voice', not just the words. This implies that the unified message must be honest and authentic. Although parents may easily share the same values, beliefs and dreams for their children, being human with different personalities they may have different perspective of the abilities of their children and interventions appropriate to the child. When parents feel compelled to take the same position on every issue in front of kids, they are being dishonest with themselves and certainly not authentic. Kids see through this, so it is better for kids to see that adults sometimes disagree and yet resolve their disagreements in a respectful way or even in some cases learn to tolerate differences. Instead of a ' unified front' parents should aim for a' unified family', where the kids participate with parents to form a family mission statement and problems are solved in a collaborative way taking into account the concerns of all. When parents ' concerns are addressed, the solutions not only address the kids concerns but also set limits. In this way parents can still be honest to themselves  and authentic and work together for the unity of the family and not just keep a united front against their children.

Shoftim 74 - Intrinsic Motivation , Executive Functions,Procrastination and Mindfulness

The portion-parasha of Shoftim discusses the commandment to set-up Cities of Refuge given in Numbers 35:9-34. Moses had already designated 3 such cities on the East bank of the Jordan even though they would only be functional after all 6 were established,   and that would be after the conquest of the land of Israel. Moses was setting an example of acting with zeal –' ze'ri'zut ' that if a mitzvah presents itself to you, do not permit it to go stale – do the mitzvah now. The cities of refuge would be a safe haven for people who had murdered someone accidently because of a certain degree of carelessness. These Cities of Refuge were Levite cities and places of learning. And it was here, the perpetrator of the accidental murder through carelessness would take steps to atone for his sin and fix his character -become more careful and watchful - za'hir. The Brai'tah of Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair taught that the study of Torah brings a person to a place of being more careful –' ze'hi'rut ' and this gives him more 'drive' and 'motivation' – ze'ri'zut. We study Torah in order to share our learning with others and teach, so we can do the mitzvoth and avoid sin. In order to do this we need to develop a framework for character and spiritual  development - the Path of the Just – the ' Mesilat Yesharim ' with which we can  ascend Rabbi Pinchas ben Yair's ladder of spiritual development.

Ze'hi'rut – is being watchful and careful, and ze'ri'zut – is being passionate and motivated. They   actually impact on one another so one can begin a discussion on either one. Ze'ri'zut - being passionate and intrinsically motivated says the ' Mesilat Ye'sharim '- the Path of the Just is the opposite of ' Laziness'.  We all have a problem with ' laziness', because of our ' earthiness' .This make us heavy and suffer from ' inertia'. It is expressed by procrastination in getting started and not finishing things we have started.  Today, the experts say that there is no such thing as a ' lazy child'. There is usually something getting   in the kid's way , so the question we should be asking is not how can we motivate children , but what is getting in their way , how can we help , how can we create the conditions so kids will motivate themselves. In the same way, Rabbi Chaim Vital says the source of' laziness' is ' utzvut '- sadness. According to the research, intrinsic motivation, happiness and well-being is dependent on a person's needs for  ' autonomy and self-direction', mastery – competence, and ' relatedness – belonging' being met and that he has a sense of purpose. People who feel connected by the inner beings, are competent and supported by others have the 'drive and passion' in what they do.

 However, the reason that we suffer from 'procrastination ' is that we do not successfully deal with the ' negative emotions' associated with some tasks. Instead we cope by procrastinating, avoiding the task and ' give in ' to feel good, despite the fact that it is in our best interests to do the task. We can deal with the negative emotions by using the characteristic of ze'hi'rut- watchfulness to monitor and manage our emotions. Being successful in observing God's positive and negative commandments means we need to be competent and show ' mastery ' in whatever we do. We also need to use ' metacognition ' and our' executive functions '  to think about our thinking, to monitor what we are doing, self- regulate our emotions, being reflective and not impulsive in our thinking. It also includes organizing, planning and using working memory – hindsight and foresight to solve problems, maintaining focus, ignoring distractions. The way to self- regulate our negative emotions that cause us to avoid tasks and procrastinate is to use our executive functions in the form of ' mindfulness'. Mindfulness' helps us to be ' neutral and outside observers' who in a non-judgmental way are aware of our negative emotions. This awareness   will signal the need to inhibit our habits of procrastination, put our emotions aside and get on with our plan.

Kids should be learning Torah in order to share their learning with others and apply their learning to the real world of mitzvoth and social-moral behavior. They should be monitoring and self-assessing their learning and behavior. We can support them with more formative assessment as they learn. In this way kids focus on what they are doing and not only on ' how they are doing ' in the form of grades given by the teacher. We can promote the midah of ze'ri'zut =  intrinsic motivation and drive in kids by supporting their autonomy so they feel their learning and doing of mitzvoth is self-directed that the learning is relevant and meaningful to their lives , they are competent and have a sense of belonging in a community of learners. The midah of ze'hi'rut = carefulness is supported by encouraged by promoting executive functions – mindfulness, self –assessment and monitoring .Mindfulness promotes both intrinsic motivation by making us more attentive and connected to what we are doing and executive functions and self-regulation by making us more aware of our thinking and emotions.

Re'eh 74 - How to deal with Negative Influences

The parasha-portion warns us against the involvement with bad influences that will cause us and/or our children to stray from the path of God and serve idolatry. The Torah Devarim 13:2-12 discusses 2 cases –A. the prophet who is most likely a brilliant and inspiring orator and has the ability to produce signs, wonders or miracles in order to convince his audience to serve other gods.

-(ב) כִּי יָקוּם בְּקִרְבְּךָ נָבִיא ...וְנָתַן אֵלֶיךָ אוֹת אוֹ מוֹפֵת: (ג) וּבָא הָאוֹת וְהַמּוֹפֵת אֲשֶׁר דִּבֶּר אֵלֶיךָ לֵאמֹר נֵלְכָה אַחֲרֵי אֱלֹהִים אֲחֵרִים and B. family members: siblings or your own kids who try to entice you to worship other gods.

(ז) כִּי יְסִיתְךָ אָחִיךָ בֶן אִמֶּךָ אוֹ בִנְךָ אוֹ בִתְּךָ ....בַּסֵּתֶר לֵאמֹר נֵלְכָה וְנַעַבְדָה אֱלֹהִים אֲחֵרִים

The Torah warns us that we should not listen to the prophet who is trying to influence us

 :(ד) לֹא תִשְׁמַע אֶל דִּבְרֵי הַנָּבִיא הַהוּא,

but when it comes to dealing with a family member or our kids who are trying to entice us and influence us, the Torah repeats the warning and caution 5 times- you shall not accede to him, listen to him, take pity on him, be compassionate towards him or conceal him.

(ט) לֹא תֹאבֶה לוֹ וְלֹא תִשְׁמַע אֵלָיו וְלֹא תָחוֹס עֵינְךָ עָלָיו וְלֹא תַחְמֹל וְלֹא תְכַסֶּה עָלָיו

The questions we need to answer – A. how can we protect our kids from outside influences.? B – Why does the Torah offer us more words of warning and caution (5) in dealing with our family members and kids –, and only a simple ' do not listen ' to the prophet who is a brilliant orator and can do miracles. ? C When kids are no longer as observant as we would wish them to be, how we protect ourselves from their influence ?.

Parents can hold onto the kids and not be afraid of losing them to their peers if they focus on relationship, accepting kids for who they are and not what they do and solving problems in a collaborative way. A Tough Love approach where parents enforce limits and boundaries and show warmth and love is problematic. Without feeling accepted, respected and valued, love is perceived as being only conditionally offered. And this is what peers, both  negative and positive ones offer kids – unconditional acceptance.

A good relationship and healthy attachment to parents is not enough to counter negative peer culture. Kids today are very peer orientated and seek less the guidance and acceptance of their parents. Friends are so important and influence the type of kid your child will be. The reason is - kids mirror themselves on their friends, they measure themselves against their friends, who they are, is  seen in terms of friends. And that is why the Mishnah in Avot1:6  says – buy- invest in friendship. Peers are the real role models. Even better is to let kids mix with people of different generations and have mentors. Put teens together in youth movements, you have the problem of teen culture - they act worse than preteens. With people of different generations, they then show incredible ability and responsibility. We have to invest in positive friends for our kids.

But we also have to invest in their education, in kids developing their socio-moral identities, with a sense of right and wrong and a sense of caring for others.

Barbara Coloroso was once asked to help parents with their young teenager. When he was a pre-teen he was such a good kid, he always listened to us. Now he no longer listens to us, just to his teenage friends. She answered the parents that nothing has changed – he used to listen to you, now he is listening to them. Kids have to be able to listen to their ' inner voice and conscience ' and act in a self-determined way , acting on their beliefs and values and not follow the crowd.

The reason why the Torah repeats the warning and cautions us against listening to a family member or a child , is that we have an affinity, closeness and a natural fondness for them so we tend to overlook or excuse wrong doing, cover up for misdeeds and avoid dealing with difficult problems that might cause tension and friction. Solving problems in a collaborative way, addressing the concerns of both parties helps to deal with issues in a caring and respectful way. If parents normally do this, kids are more likely to accept a boundary or limit even  when they are not so happy about it.

When kids are no longer as observant as we would wish them to be, how do we protect ourselves from their influence?

Parents are influenced by their kids. We see too often that parents of not so observant kids lower their own standards of keeping the mitzvoth and involvement in learning and prayer. The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham and Japheth – Ham being the father of Canaan.- Bereishit 9:18 The Seforno notes that Ham was similar in character to his evil son, implying that the father was influenced by his son.In these situations parents have to set themselves higher standards of observance of Mitzvoth and be more involved in learning , prayer and community charity projects.
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We can help our kids and ourselves by having a positive and mentoring relationship with our kids, provide them a positive and supportive environment –good friends and mentors and an education where we and our kids influence and impact on society. In this way we protect ourselves and the family from negative influences.

Discrimination against Chareidim in the workplace

Here is a short summary of   an   article from The Marker '   dealing with Discrimination against Chareidim in the workplace' and then my response.

 My initial reaction to the title of the article describing the difficulty a graduate of the sought after elite Hi- Tec 8200 unit of the Intelligence Corps  to find work because of his Hasidic dress and appearance, was that a man with a chasidishe style dress, uncut beard, pe'yos etc would be at a big disadvantage as people normally don't like to be with people different to the themselves. But the people who complained about discriminationin the article  - just because they are chareidim -  were modern chareidi, no beard or suit, and who had went to the army – and this surprised me. Chareidi women have another obstacle in their path. They are asked when they intend to fall pregnant again. Although the % employment rate for women in Israel is 66.3% and for Chareidi women a close 61.2% we must keep in mind that often they are the sole breadwinners. Other obstacles in the path of Chareidim is the lack of training and qualifications, English and Maths, the degrees or non-academic diplomas  from the Chareidi colleges are not so competitive, and in the case of men they expect higher salaries because they enter the market at an older age and with a big family to support. The Ministry of Economic Affairs has a program to help absorb more Chareidim in the work force by opening employment centers, providing professional development and training, and offering incentives to employers to take on Chareidi workers. The spokeswoman said that employees were afraid of employing Chareidim because of their perceptions of demands for separation between the sexes and kosher food. She was hopeful in the long run as Chareidim become more open to working in a secular environment and employees reap the benefits of serious and dedicated Chareidi workers.

  I think the problem is bigger in the smaller private sector, but in bigger concerns like the banks, chareidi employees who have proved themselves open up doors to other chareidim. I have a friend who works for a bank in the computer section and the bank employs many chareidi women as they have an excellent work ethic and are good. There are employment opportunities for women in an only women environment, but employers exploit women by paying them very low wages. In many professions, the work place is flooded and the only way you can get a job is if you know somebody, do peer networking and since there are only a few chareidim in the workplace, there is little opportunity for peer networking.

The problem imho is the message conveyed by the politicians – both chareidi and secular. The chareidim would prefer not to work but remain in learning and live on hand outs and not integrate into Israeli life by going to the army etc. . . . So a private employer would ask himself – why support a community that discourages its men to go out to work or make a contribution to the country by going to the army. I think it was before the last elections that a friend of mine - studying in a Kollel and doing hours of she'rut le'umi with the intention of studying dentistry asked a  ' Gimmel ' - Agudah politician the following question. Why they did not join others defending the existing rights that 'she'rut leumi' offered to those who wish to study and enter the workforce.  The politician gave various excuses but when pushed, he said that Agudah cannot be seen to be encouraging young men to leave Kollel and go out into the workplace. The same negative attitude is to employment and parnassa is also expressed in the context of education. A kollel for young men who wanted to work and learn seriously in a Kollel framework was forced to close down.  A school offering kids to graduate in one year and do other courses afterward together with a learning program was severely criticized in the name of ' pure haskafos'.  It seems that issues of poverty have no place in ' hashkofos'.It seems that nothing has changed in the 60 years since Rav Dessler passed away? Rav Dessler had the view and belief ...... that  Yeshivah students should be encouraged to pursue full time learning and be denied the chance to get an academic qualification. Only in this way, could Yeshivas produce a large student body,  needed to  produce  Talmidei Chachamim and Ge'dolei  Yisrael. The negative impact on the lives of those not suitable for full time learning was a worthwhile sacrifice for this goal.The issue now is whether the system would not be better served by altering the single focus to one that allows a multiple tier educational system.

 IMHO a solution to the discrimination problem  would also  lie in positive affirmative action at least in the public sector and maybe some legislation against discrimination. A . chareidi bill advocating positive affirmative action  was defeated citing the chareidi attitude to work and integration into the community.

 The fight against poverty – providing housing, education, health care and stable employment opportunities will need the goodwill of the rest of country. It will also need a commitment by the chareidi parties to go beyond just supporting the chinuch path – yeshiva kollel, Beis Ya'akov and SEM to include supporting a chareidi working community.

As parents we must give children an accurate picture of the economic reality and their limited ability to help financially, that honoring parents means you don't have to le'mashkein o'tam, to pledge and mortgage them, and as a Rosh Yeshivah asked his  talmid – who signed the Ketuvah – you or your wife, that the Ketuvah is not a joke.