This Shabbat we
read parashat B'shalach It is called Shabbat Shirah
because we read ' shirat ha'yam ' the song that the children of Israel sang in
praise of their salvation by God at the red sea. We will also be celebrating Tu
Be'shevat – 15th day of Sh'vat on the Thursday following this
Shabbat.
The Parasha begins with Pharaoh escorting
the children of Israel out of Egypt. We are told that Moses acted on a promise
made to Joseph that his bones were to be taken out of Egypt when the time to
leave came. The Medrash describes Moshe as a having a wise heart who takes the
opportunity to do Mitzvot – Moshe busied himself with the bones of
Joseph, while the children of Israel were busy plundering Egypt, busy with gold
and silver. The obvious question is that the children of Israel were also doing
a mitvah , obeying God's commandment. They were told to go to their neighbors
and ask for gold and silver etc in order that God's promise to Abraham – that
they will leave with a great fortune should be fulfilled.
There are mitzvoth that we invest
lots of thought and energy- we are givers - subjects –
'gavra'. There are mitzvoth where we are more like objects –' cheftza
' - receivers = like the mitzvoth to eat 3 meals on the Sabbath.
When we are takers and receivers we tend to lose sight of element of mitzvah
and be more self-centered and taking for ourselves. Moshe – Moses chose to focus on ' giving '
, being a' gavra'- subject and not an object – cheftza-who receives.
The children of Israel are then saved by
God's open miracles at the red sea. They are in a sense 'objects' – cheftza ,
receivers of God's goodness. They become ' subjects'- gavra by '
giving ' of themselves – giving praise to God , acknowledging the
miracles and showing appreciation in song –' shirat Hayam' - the
song of the sea.
Tu b'shevat is the new year of trees , the cut
of date in determining the age of trees, also each year has different tithes
and tithes must be taken from crops of the same year. During the winter trees
have been in hibernation absorbing water from deep beneath the ground. Most of
the rain for the season has fallen and on Tu B'shevat they will begin to draw
sustenance from their own sap in order to grow, bloom and prosper. The trees
will regenerate utilizing their own resources. They will become the giving
entity that they were meant to be. Before Tu be'shevat the trees were ' cheftza ,
after Tu Be'shevat they become subjects- gavra .
As parents and teachers we should be helping kids become '
givers' - gavra. But when we reward or praise them for
doing good , or punish/consequence them for
infractions - doing to them - we are turning them into objects. Instead we can work with them and solve problems. Instead of praise use ' declarative language ' just describing what
we saw and then pausing. This gives the kid time to reflect on what you have
noticed and also experience some inner pride or other feelings for eg.
satisfaction. We show him that it is
his inner feelings of pride that are important and not pleasing
us. We can then ask open ended questions – how did you feel about
what you did ? what were you thinking about when you drew the dog? What made you give the little boy a cookie
?,did you see his face light up .
'These comments and questions help a kid
focus his attention on his feelings and thoughts rather than on his
accomplishments. He is talking about what he did and self- assessing. By
emphasizing the process rather than the product, the kid will realize that it's
the trying that counts.' Myrna Shure
Teaching expressing gratitude, thanks
and appreciation is important , but not because it will help you get what you
want or if you do not give thanks people will stop giving to you. It is an
important expression of who you are as a person , as a subject as a gavra.
