The evil report of the
spies convinced the whole nation including the elders and the Sanhedrin- the
High court to abandon their journey to the land of Israel, because the Holy Land
was a dangerous place that 'devours its inhabitants'. This led to dissention,
national hysteria, despair, anguish, and a helplessness etc. Numbers 14:1 says
and they cried and wept that night – the eve of the 9th of Av. ויבכו העם בלילה ההוא –God
declared that since they cried for no reason on this night, therefore in the
future, I shall provide you with plenty reason to cry on this night, for I will
destroy the Temple on the 9th of Av. The physical destruction of the
Temple and the exile of the nation among the peoples of the world was just a
physical manifestation of the underlying spiritual condition of the
people. R' Isaac Sher explains it was
the loss of Da'at , a deep understanding and perception that touches the depths
of one's heart , that leads to a belief , trust and faith in God. It is a
commitment to be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice of giving up one's life
and using all one's senses and feelings in the service of God. We declare this
faith- emunah in God and our commitment in the She'ma Yisrael prayer.
שְׁמַע
יִשְׂרָאֵל יְדֹוָד אֱלֹהֵינוּ יְדֹוָד אֶחָד:
(ה) וְאָהַבְתָּ אֵת יְדֹוָד אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁךָ
וּבְכָל מְאֹדֶךָ:
And according to the
Midrash on the verse Eichah – Lamentations I: 15 ' It is on these things that I weep ' R'
Yehudah says because of the removal and loss of Da'at and the Divine Presence,
which are essentially the same thing as R' Ela'zar says, that any man who has
de'ah – knowledge is as if the temple has been built in his days.
על
אלה אני בוכיה רבי יהודה אומר על סילוק דעת ועל סילוק שכינה ואמר רבי אלעזר כל אדם
שיש בו דעה כאילו נבנה בית המקדש
A person who has Da'at –
deep understanding and perception will have faith and trust in God. He will declare
in the Song – A'don O'lam, והוא נסי, that
God is my banner and source of miracles. No situation can cause despair and
helplessness because in God's reality, things can change at any moment. In the bleakest and darkest moments during
the Holocaust people who had great faith experienced miracles when death was a
certainty and survived . Others who did not survive managed to achieve eternity
by giving up their lives and sanctifying God's name with the great dignity and
purpose with which they approached death. Over the centuries families and even
communities have suffered great hardships and tragedy that evoke tears and
weeping. But these tears are offered to God along with prayers, which signify
hope and personal empowerment. The
symbol of positive tears is the matriarch Rachel. Rachel is buried on the roadside,
and on route to the Babylonian exile. The nation will pass by there and she will come out upon her grave and weep and plead for mercy for
them, and God says that there is hope
for your future . . .' that your children will return to their
own borders’ .
As parents and educators
we have many children who are faced with many challenges both academically and
behaviorally. The starting place is our prayers and tears in the hope that God
will provide guidance and help needed. We also need to display a lot of
patience like that of R' Freida who would teach a challenging student with a
learning difficulty 400 times until he understood the lesson. But what about
kids with challenging behavior. What about kids who don't abide by school
rules, have a hard time getting along with other kids, don't seem to respect
authority , don't seem to be interested in learning , and are disrupting the
learning of their classmates ? The traditional view of these kids is that they
are attention seeking, manipulative, limit-testing, coercive, or unmotivated
and what they need is discipline which is firm, consistent and contingent with
lots of rewards and consequences to make kids 'wanna ' behave. So we have many kids who are paying frequent
visits to the principal's office, getting detentions, suspensions and even
being expelled and finally end up in juvenile prison evidence to the existence
of the school-to- prison pipeline. The tragedy of the situation is that
teachers and principals aren't even aware that these methods (besides promoting
the most primitive form of morality), are identical to ' giving up on these
kids ' and making their situation and future worse. There are some teachers and
principals who admit that they are not helping the challenging kid, but the
punitive consequences are needed as a deterrent and disincentive to the other kids
in the classroom and school - למען יראו וישמעו , The truth is that according to the
American Psychological Association – APA, these zero-tolerance policies which
were intended to reduce violence and behavior problems in schools have instead
achieved the opposite effect with increased behavior problems, drop- out rates
while schools dole out millions of detentions, suspensions and expulsions.
Giving consequences is not needed because kids already know how we want them to
behave and actually would like nothing better than to act in a more flexible
and adaptable way and be able to handle the social, emotional and behavioral
challenges being placed upon them. Many have been getting into trouble for so
long that they have lost faith that any adult will ever know how to help them.
Dr Ross Greene in his
book Lost at School suggests a different approach based on what we know from
the neuro-sciences that these kids have a developmental delay in areas of
flexibility and frustration tolerance and often act out when the demands placed
upon them outstrip the skills they have to act flexibly and adaptively. They often are lagging in skills such as
executive functions, language processing skills, emotional regulation skills,
cognitive flexibility and social skills etc. The mantra of his CPS –
collaborative problem solving approach or now called collaborative and
pro-active solutions is ' children do well if they can' and not' children do
well if they want to'. The CPS process in a compassionate way promotes the
various cognitive and life skills, nurtures the relationship between student
and teacher and supports the child's autonomy. It helps kids come up with a
better plan, and engage in an autonomous way in the moral act of restitution
and doing Teshuva. Teachers who aim to control student's behavior – rather than
helping them to control it themselves – undermine the very elements essential
for motivation – autonomy, a sense of competence and a capacity to relate to
others. And when teachers need to
enforce control by using punishments and consequences, they are certainly not
addressing the underlying problems but worse – they are actually giving up on
these kids.
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