Our portion-parasha deals with the
Priestly Blessings- ברכת כהנים where Aaron and his sons are commanded to
bless the children of Israel saying to them …דַּבֵּר אֶל אַהֲרֹן וְאֶל בָּנָיו לֵאמֹר
כֹּה תְבָרֲכוּ אֶת בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל אָמוֹר לָהֶם:. After the listing of the 3 blessings, God in
the Torah says – Let them – the Kohanim place MY Name upon the children of
Israel and I shall bless them. וְשָׂמוּ אֶת שְׁמִי עַל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל
וַאֲנִי אֲבָרֲכֵם: The obvious question is - who is doing the blessing ? – we begin with an
instruction by God to the Kohanim to bless the people and then God says …… so I
can bless them. The answer is that when the Kohanim bless the nation, God will
confer his own blessing on the children of Israel. The Kohanim are the
instruments, the pipeline, through which God allows his blessing to rest upon
Israel. The Talmud – Megilah tells us not to take lightly the blessing of even an
ordinary man. His blessing has the ability to access God's abundance and with
God's agreement bring blessing to someone's life. In the same way, parents
bless their children using the script of the priestly blessing. Their love and
devotion to their children is the conduit, a pipeline that channel's God's
infinite blessing onto their children.The conduit or pipeline of the Kohanim is love and so they are commanded to bless God's people with love. It seems that God wanted man to
participate in bringing His blessings and abundance into the lives of people.
It is our caring, love and devotion expressed by acts of kindness and
expressions of prayer and blessings for others that God wants. And so, He is
willing to support us by allowing us to access His abundance and confer His
blessings.
The first blessing is –' May God
bless you and protect you'. יְבָרֶכְךָ יְדֹוָד וְיִשְׁמְרֶךָ: This is not a specific blessing but is dependent
on a person's wishes. The Sages suggest that this is a material blessing that
needs protection from thieves or bandits, that we should not spend our
money to pursue materialistic goals, but use our wealth wisely and for spiritual purposes. We should be
protected from wealth itself or any other blessing so we don't become arrogant or
attached to money and forget God. In
other words, we need protection and help to make sure that our blessings should
not turn into curses. The second blessing
is – May God shine his face upon you and
give you grace. יָאֵר יְדֹוָד פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וִיחֻנֶּךָּ This is a spiritual
blessing where God's light and presence
becomes evident in us and is expressed by the grace or ' chein' that people see in us. This makes us people who have the
quality of being attractive, liked and loved by others. People are drawn to us,
and want to be in our company because they find us charming. The third blessing
is - May God turns his face towards you and give you peace. יִשָּׂא יְדֹוָד
פָּנָיו אֵלֶיךָ וְיָשֵׂם לְךָ שָׁלוֹם: Because of God's special relationship
with Israel, He will be more forgiving and support the establishment of peace
between men, between the material and spiritual side of man so there will be harmony within man and between man and God.
It is understandable that man must
do his share - to ensure economic, spiritual and social progress, before God
will give his support and blessings. The question is what can we do, besides
acquiring more knowledge and understandings of God's ways, so we can raise ourselves
and our children with grace and 'chein'- חן?
Although we pray for grace חנא - that we have that quality that makes us
loved by others together with the qualities of generosity, kindness – חסדא and
compassion – ורחמין , the Book of Proverbs 3:3-4
tells us that when kindness and truth
are the qualities that guide our speech and
the feelings of our heart, we will find
grace and good intellect in the eyes of God and man.חֶסֶד וֶאֱמֶת אַל
יַעַזְבֻךָ קָשְׁרֵם עַל גַּרְגְּרוֹתֶיךָ כָּתְבֵם עַל לוּחַ לִבֶּךָ וּמְצָא חֵן
וְשֵׂכֶל טוֹב בְּעֵינֵי אֱלֹהִים וְאָדָם:
When we do have grace, charm and חן , we have to protect this blessing with values
and the fear of God – שקר החן והבל היפי יראת ה' היא תתהלל – Proverbs 31:30 .Crooks, cheaters and con artists know how to use charm - חן to build and get people's trust and confidance and then use it to cheat them.
We should pray for our children and
bless them every day. It is important to support their needs for autonomy, respect,
unconditional acceptance, competence and ' relatedness', so they feel
confident, supported, have a sense of belonging, and are self-directed with a self-esteem that is
solid and not dependent on outside approval. They also have sense of purpose and a commitment to the well-being
of people and Torah values. We should be examples of grace-חן , in our interactions with our children and all other people and we should discuss and share with them the qualities and behavior of individuals we and they know, who have a lot of grace - חן
Chein- grace and charm is a skill
that helps you communicate and bond with people. You come across as a gentle, generous
humble and unassuming, authentic, honest, positive, non-judgmental, patient, and
a happy person who is genuinely glad to see the other person. You make them feel
that they are the most important person in the world by giving them your
undivided attention and you are attentive to what they are saying. You look for
agreement and validate their feelings and ideas, offering feedback and also
sharing your insights. Charming people are more interested in hearing what
others have to say and hear their perspectives and not getting their voice
heard. They show curiosity and interest by asking open ended and sincere questions that makes it
easier for the other person to answer in a more personal and introspective way.
Grace is that quality which sees the best in others, including chein and charm.
They seek the best for others and always are willing to do acts of kindness
without expecting anything in return. Charming people are impressed by others
and have no problem in offering compliments. They solve problems in a
collaborative way addressing the concerns of others and look for mutually
satisfying solutions.They have the confidence to admit their mistakes, and the
courage to expose their vulnerability. They have a good sense of humor and
don't mind being a source of laughter for others and themselves and laugh with
you about something they said or did. People find it easier to trust and connect to
people who are willing to expose their vulnerability and show that they are not
perfect.
We pray to God for the
blessing of grace- חן for ourselves, our children and the whole community .We also need
to make an effort that we and our children acquire the social skills and
characteristics so we all can find grace and good intellect in the eyes of God and
Man. We need to know that grace – חן takes precedence and is more important than good intellect – שכל טוב. The question is – where is ' grace' education found in our
homes and schools?
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