Moses- Moshe is raised as a prince in Pharaoh's
palace. He matures, grows in stature and becomes the head of Pharaoh's palace.
Although raised as an Egyptian prince, he remains a loyal Jew. His leadership
qualities which made him fit to be the redeemer of the children of Israel began
to show when he toured the slave camps. He wanted to observe the
burdens of the children of Israel, identify with the suffering of his brothers
and grieve with them. 'If only I could be in their place and bear their
suffering. 'Pretending that he was assisting the Egyptian task masters he would
help his brothers carry their burdens. He then convinced Pharaoh that his
slaves would be more productive having a day of rest. Moses then chose
the 7th day as
the Sabbath. Moses' concern for the 'klal', the whole community was unique in
that he focused also on the needs of individuals. Divine providence meant
that being a prince he did not have a 'slave mentality' and he had the
confidence and courage to intervene on behalf of the oppressed and downtrodden.
He intervened on behalf a Jew who was receiving death blows from a taskmaster
and killed him. He intervened to stop two fellow Jews
quarreling. Finally the Torah says that as a complete stranger in a
foreign country, Moses had no problem rescuing Yitro's = Jethro's
daughters from the hands of violent shepherds.
The personality trait and virtue of
'nosei b'ol im chaveiro' – sharing a fellow's burden is expressed
when a person feels and empathizes with the emotional , physical and
financial stress and pain of his friend. He should try to find out more about
his needs and see if he can support him with friendship. Learning with a person
and giving him spiritual support is very important as well. He should do
everything that he can to alleviate the pain and stress. He should be there for
him, not only in the tough times, but also be happy for him and share in his
simchos at happier moments and in good times.
The character trait of 'nosei b'ol im chaveiro' – sharing a
fellow's burden displayed by Moses meant that he was not only qualified to
become the redeemer of the children of Israel but he would be able to ' receive
the Torah' on their behalf and ' pass it on' to them. Sharing a fellow's burden
is one of the 48 personality qualities needed for someone to acquire the crown
of Torah. One needs to be a 'fit and refined ' kli '–
receptacle to receive the Torah and arrive at the truth. Learning Torah is not
just about ' academic study ' but also involves observing others, learning from
people in an informal way, especially from wise sages = shimush Talmidei
chachamim, and watching how they conduct themselves. We learn
from life itself and give expression to our learning by
putting it into practice.
Social interactions are the arena where lots of
socio-moral learning takes place. In order to share in a
fellow's burden we need to use the same learning skills as we do in learning
Torah or Talmud. People are not open books and we have to notice the ' cues'
people give with their body and facial language. There is a lot of missing
information and we have to notice the inconsistencies in a person's behavior to
recognize that something is going on. We need to learn to ' drill down ' with
questions to find out a person's concerns and their perspectives.
People, especially kids are not so articulate when it comes to expressing
their concerns and what is bothering them. When we observe how a
wise man conducts himself, we need to be able to recognize and to be aware of
the sensitive way he is acting and understand the reasons behind his behavior.
The research actually shows that kids who had some
social skills training improved their academic performances. Social Skills rest
on ' empathy ' and altruism. It means going beyond one's self
, exploring ideas , trying to understand the other person's ideas or what he
needs first, rather than trying to prove oneself to be right or look
after one's own needs . Beit Hillel taught us to try and understand the other
person first before we try to explain our position. The CPS – collaborative
problem solving approach tells us to first to get a clear understanding of the
kid's or other person's perspective and concern before we put our
concerns on the table.
How we view kids' behavior and other peoples ' challenges
can impact on our responses or interventions. If we view kids inappropriate
behavior as being 'defiant, aggressive, lazy, manipulative, controlling, and
testing limits' we tend to be more punitive and use consequences to get
them to ' wanna behave'. But if we are more compassionate and want to
share with the child his burden, we would ascribe his challenges to
lagging skills etc. The CPS – collaborative problem solving approach 'mantra'
is that kids do well if they can and not children do well if they want to. I
think the same applies to adults. Sharing a fellow's burden really understands
what is getting in his way of the kid and trying to help him.
Edward
de Bono ,l the creator of the word ' lateral
thinking' and programs to ' teach thinking ', recommends his PMI tool to help
people be less critical and try to see the positive in what others are
saying. We are naturally critical thinkers - it is either a
yes or no – we agree or disagree if the idea fits in what we believe or not. It
is much easier to be critical than look for the positives in other people and
their ideas. Intelligent people have more of a problem of not being exploratory
and creative in their thinking, because they are good at defending their
positions. So Edward de Bono suggests we should explore a person's
idea using his PMI tool, looking first for the Positives and only
afterwards the Minuses. And then we can note other Interesting observations.
Sharing a fellow's burden means changing one's thinking –
less critical thinking and more exploratory and creative thinking so you
have a 'empathic and compassionate view ' of peoples' struggles ,
understanding first their concerns and perspectives and trying to see the
positive in them and their ideas. This makes you a better, creative and
explorative thinker, so you become better at learning what the
Torah teaches and have more of a chance to acquire the crown of the Torah.
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